From The Renonaissance
Welcome to “A Very Special Issue of Nonsense” and thank you for reading. As you can see, we’ve come out with a new issue in a timely manner because we are in the midst of a Nonsense renaissance, or a “Renonaissance” if you will (and we do).
Last semester was fairly productive for us, and after the semi-success that we had with both the Hofstra Issue and re-launching our formerly decrepit website, we’ve decided to do a bit of reflection.
I guess you could say that this issue kind of serves as both a declaration of “our revival!!” (the Renonaissance) and a look at Hofstra in a different light. As it is, it can often seem pretty medieval. You may say “but wait, isn’t it 2016? We can vape now!” but the fact is there’s still plenty of overlap with the past. For example, the archaic behavior of “men’s rights activists,” the hastily prepared Meat Stews Etc which flow like a bountiful shit river through the Studente Centre Café, and censorship at the hand of our student leadership organization who rule over Nonsense by hand and sword from the top of their ivory office (just kidding we love you guys!!!!)
But enough about that. We’ve written 16 pages of content to tell you about our interpretation of the past! However, since we’re all millennials attending college in this oh-so-overly sensitive age, the fact is we don’t know a damn thing about history. Not even a little bit. So we’ve tried our best to imagine what Hofstra might have been like in ye olde times. We’ve taken the liberty of chronicling Hofstra’s history as accurately as we could, which you can see for yourself on the next page.
Thankfully, we’ve also managed to give you our rendition of renaissance/medieval art (they’re all just the same thing right??) Are we still allowed to say “Dark Ages” or do you want us to be all “P.C.” about it? Oh, excuse us. “Miiiiiddle Aaaaaages.” I feel like we’re in the Dark Ages right now, you know? It’s like my dad says whenever he starts drinking again. Doesn’t anyone remember when music had real lyrics, and everyone was a wholesome Boy or Girl Scout? When every kid had a paper route, and the only “App” we had was “App-lying One’s Self To A Respectable And Ambitious Task, As Is App-ropriate For Youth Of Some Standing?” Now we have, shit, I don’t know, socialism and all-ages bathrooms. R.I.P music and culture 1910-2011 what happened.
Anyways, where the fuck were we going with this? This was gonna be a poem at some point but, I mean, I guess if you really think about it nobody really knows how to read those things anyways, and I feel like most people at Hofstra have a hard time with reading comprehension as is, so we’ll keep it simple:
There Once was a Manne from Long Island He never made Jokes, and was Silent But Thenne, one Fatefull day He read our magazine Gay And then he was happy and smilin.
Fucketh thee.
~Zach and Heather~ <3