Local Speed Demon Drafts Unsuspecting Big Rig

By: Quin Asselin

“Randy you son of a...” Fort Worth, TX resident and local meth enthusiast, Gek “The Stench” Greer, was quoted as mumbling before snapping his taut neck towards the back of his otherwise unoccupied ‘83 Ford Fiesta. Greer, reportedly on hour 16 of a “rock candy dandy,” had devoted all of his attention to drafting behind a semi-trailer truck. To passers-by watching the madness unfold, Greer piloted his scarlet trashwagon with a deft hand, and a wet hand at that, inspiring both fear and awe. Inside the beet red buggy, Mr. Stench blindly hurdled towards the New Mexico border in pursuit roughly 10 feet behind the big rig.

The trailer’s driver, one Steve Carell (no relation, but what are the odds??) claimed no knowledge of, “a geeked out speed freak” on his tail for more than 200 miles, but would go on to commend the orange-eyed former freelance woodworker. “That man’s slick as a newt,” said Carell, before really laying into the horn for a moment. “Let him know he’s always free to ride with Steve.”

Initial reports suggest the intent of The Stench was to seduce the trailer’s sexy mudflap maidens into his crimson hell shuttle. However, a two-and-a-half hour voicemail left on the phone of one Crank Buttsnap suggests Greer was actually using the trailer’s slipstream to hide from the “awful winds of the ghouls.” While they were asked to elaborate on their relationship with Greer, the ghouls of Interstate 20 could not be reached for comment. Visible always, never quite out of sight, and yet forever escaping the grasp of those rare few who choose still to seek them.

Tests performed on the broken remains of Greer’s infernal jalopy revealed that his fuel efficiency had increased by up to 25%. Though Greer claimed that he would be able to, “ride ‘til [he] died!”, this journey was cut short by a pothole that sent Gek and his burgundy fuck bug into a highway drainage ditch.

Greer is currently set to make a slow recovery, and has so far declined to make a statement unless this reporter is willing to, “scratch an itch.”