The Tracksuit Man holds no power over me. None that I don’t give him. What is preventing me from achieving that permanent lift-off I’ve always dreamt of? The more I ponder, the more I realize that nothing is stopping me. I can be all the way up...
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6 Spots In My House Where My Daughter’s Ghost Can’t Find Me
in Kids, Listicle, Reflection, Social Topics
We never let Cassie into the basement when she was alive because of the rat infestation, but once the crowdfunding came together for her funeral costs we were finally able to fix up that chintzy paneling and afford a decent exterminator. Now, I’ve got the recliner and my Playstation down there...
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The 7 Best Places To Fuck On Campus
in Adventure, Dating, LIfestyle, Recreation
We all know what sex is here at Nonsense Humor, and we know the best places to get it down with your significant other when you’re in a hurry. You know, when you don’t feel like walking literally not that far to an actual bed because you love cold dirty floors on your sweaty ass.
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So You've Acquired An Alien Child...
The best part of acquiring your little bundle of slimy grey mass is that you get to name the little goon! Make sure to keep it something close to its roots, but it can be as modern or classic as you wish it to be!
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Horoscopes by Anthony Bourdain
Pisces:You’ve been listening to too much of that new-age folk bullshit music, Pisces. Pull yourself together and jam out to some serious rock-and-roll. Guns and Roses. The Ramones. Iggy Pop..
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The 12 Supernatural Creatures You’ll Date (Before One Kills You)
in Dating, Listicle, Recreation
We’ve all been there: young, full of human organs and soul that make you irresistible to your standard supernatural creature...
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Diagnosis: I'm Not Michael Phelps
“Bridges. Clay Bridges,” I told the suave doctor. What a mistake that was. I should have known better to interrupt the good doctor. Worse yet, who was I to question the authority and intelligence of the world-famous Dr. RJ Shafty (MD)?
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Wait, how’d you get in my house?
Listen, I don’t wanna be weird but I just noticed you were in my house and I find that kind of weird. How did you get here? Was it the window? The door? I live in a small house that is very high. I will assume you came in through the door...
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12 Bitchin' New Holidays Enacted By President Obama In The Dead Of Night
in America, Holidays, Listicle, News, Social Topics
As a final wink-and-nod to the American people he loves so much, President Barack Obama recently released a list of new national holidays set to take effect on January 2nd, 2017.
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10 Things We ALL Need to Try Before Summer's Over
Tire swings by the lake. Tire swings by the fuckin' lake, baby. Oh man. If you've ever wanted to feel like a descendant of Swiss Family Robinson, putting this one together is an absolute must. (The Swiss Family Robinson thing aside, club-footed folks are suggested to bring a friend. All folks are, but I've learned it's good to be inclusive). The steps are a little tricky, but we think most of you can handle it...
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