Rising Sophomore Can’t Wait to Repeat Every Class

By Rojanaye Daley

“They said it wasn’t possible,” began Hofstra sophomore, Chad Wescott, smiling before flashing his transcript to the room. “But here we are.” Wescott, an industrial engineering major, has ended the semester with a 1.35 GPA. The pale sheet, which came via e-mail but was printed presumably for posterity’s sake, is littered with D’s, F’s, and the occasional W, which stands for “Wow...really? We almost never give these out. That’s kinda crazy.”

Being an engineering major, Wescott cannot register for anymore major courses until he has begun taking Math 71, the first Calculus course. After failing pre-Calculus for two consecutive semesters, Wescott is optimistic that the third time really will be the charm, as he looks to be finally seeking a tutor that can not only help him with his big boy math, but is likewise willing to accommodate to his busy schedule as an active brother in Theta Tau. When asked about what happened to his classes this semester, Wescott assures us that the poor grades were not all his fault. “All my classes are boring to begin with, so I figured it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t show up once or twice. Plus, what’s the point in showing up drunk to a class you’ve already almost passed? Kinda disrespectful.” Although he is still waiting on the results of his PE, odds are that Wescott will “probably give it another shot” in the upcoming Fall semester. According to sources within his writing studies course, Wescott chose to ignore the prompt on his final, and instead drew “a picture of himself on a motorcycle,” because it was “better than anything he could have possibly written.” Sources have had to admit, though, that it was “still pretty sick.”

“Being the first person in my family to go to Hofstra has been especially difficult for me,” admits Wescott, one hand on his temple, the other scrolling through a playlist of remixes by The Chainsmokers. “Nobody in my family has ever gone to a college like this...I knew when I came here that I would be breaking the mold. It was exciting, and scary, and it hasn’t always been as fun as I’ve made it look. Sure, there was a lot of pressure on me to go to Harvard, or Yale, but hey! There’s a lot of pressure on me to eventually succeed here, too! The fact of the matter is, I’m here because professors and administration at Hofstra believe in me. They see my potential, and they know what I’m capable of. I mean, why else would they allow my dad to donate that new building?”