Giving These Bitch-Ass Kids Water
If you’re not drinking plenty of fluids, you’ll never survive the rising sea levels or the xenophobia of a post 9/11 America. Or my ex-wife’s curse on this desert estate.
Read MoreMan Pregames 12 Straight Hours, Dies
Kenny, if you can hear us from the great Bangerz in the sky, we’re pouring one out for you, bröther.
Read MoreTips For Your First College Party
Please understand: the stakes are high.
Read MoreThe Day After Labor Day
It was fitting to be honest, on a day when the oppressed drink to celebrate, the oppressors drink to cope. That’s how, on Labor Day 2018, in the only town within a hundred miles that didn’t have a single citizen that followed him on twitter, Elon Musk and I ended up at the same bar.
Read MoreMarch for Our Grades
“The whole finals system is designed to hurt us, the hardworking students of America,” Griffin said. “I mean, it wouldn’t be as bad if I already had my grades up, but I took a two week sabbatical to relieve stress and try molly after my intro to ceramics midterm really harshed the semester’s mellow.”
Read MoreMillions Preparing to Finally Be Disappointed by Infinity War
From what I’ve overheard while cleaning the men’s bathroom at 10am every Sunday morning, fans are dubious that Avengers: Infinity War will live up to the high expectations that tend to make all experiences much better.
Read MoreIntersectional Ghost Hunting and You
Let’s think about this long and hard, okay? We’re talking fat stacks, high stakes ghost hunting produced by the same people who are making the new Queer Eye reboot.
Read MoreSold my soul to the Dark Arts, didn't even get into Pratt.
She said if I only put the paint on the canvas, then I would just be another overconfident Pratt applicant with a passion for photography and an Instagram full of bad tattoo ideas. She said I had to push outside of conventional boundaries to be an artist.
Read MoreThese 4 Horses Are In Hell For A Reason
This beautiful example of nature doing what so many of our moms want to brought a smile to dozens of faces over the years, which would seem like something God would want to happen, but apparently not.
Mothman Stood Me Up. Again.
I chose love over sex, and that’s where I fucked up.
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